Be a Leader in Specific Thing That You Could Do

(Letter From Japan)

Papa, please forgive me if I’m using English in this email. There’s one friend that I also want him to read this^_^ as the thing that I want to share to you today, might related to things I want to share to him First of all, arigatou for the poem that you’ve sent me^^; and also arigatou for Mba Rita’s email too. Both really made me cry in the morning T__T I know you’ve read my old articles in my old computer back home, as you might realized that I’m so living in the past’s shadow at that time. And I could see how thankful you’re when you’ve read my recent articles. Somehow I did, Alhamdulillah found the answer. And I pray I’ll never walk out from this path again. Yes I will always try to move forward^^, forgive my past, Alhamdulillah for today I live, and also pray for the better future. I heard about your crash computer, how’s about the articles and the scenarios that Papa have made? T_T I hope you have back-up file. o__o I’ve lost a lot of my articles when my computer crashed. That’s why, now I always have a back-up cd of files per semester=3 Don’t forget, a writer, always remember to back-up files=D hehehehe… as I’ve lost my hundred-pages novel files in my early age in writingT_T huhuhuhu~ Papa, yesterday I went to iftar (buka puasa) in the new masjid in Beppu. I guess that’s the first time I really come to masjid in Beppu, as I never went to the old mushola that we’ve have in different place before. I went there with my kohai. She’s kinda surprised to accept the fact I almost never been to such an occasion. The masjid (mosque) is like a ruko building^^ It kinda weird as first time I entered coz I couldn’t see it as a masjid, but when I reached the 3rd floor^^ I know, I finally find a place. It kinda far from from my apato=D but ii~. I’m so thankful there such masjid now in Beppu ^^ ~ I’ll walk with happiness to be in that place… I then remembered my highschool’s masjid, and my university’s masjid, and how active I’ve been that time. And I do remember one hadith saying that we should take our self close to masjid, as masjid is place to remember Allah. Then I realized this is also my way of “cure” and maintain my faith. I remembered most of my mentally break-down was happened when I’m far for muslim-friends, or I’ll say, jamaah. Far from masjid. I was so simple when I was highschool and during my early 20s. But yet a beautiful soul to remember. And I really want to be in that condition again, with the new me and my new point of view. I was so live for Allah. And it kinda make my heart tremble in fear when I realized, I’ve turned away quite far along this way. Yeah, I became so arrogant and forgot about the reason of us being here in earth. Astaghfirullah… Alhamdulillah for Allah still remind my mistake now.. Seeing masjid yesterday, couldn’t make me stop of feeling thankful that I’m here now. To see different moslem around the world, feel the unique ukhuwah that I’ve never seen before. Yeah, yesterday was my first day of living as a ‘new’ me, but yet-,+ I’m still shy and almost never saying a thing at that evening...T_T yadaaa na, watashi~~. Usually I need to meet people regularly more than 1 month to be able to speak with themT_T I hope with Qur’an class that we’ll have, I’ll manage to be more active and cheerful:D as usually almost everyone who knows me will say, “I never thought before that you’re so funny when I first met you”. Yea, I know that’s my weaknessT_T… Come to think about it, I still have 2 years, Alhamdulillah^_^ … There’s so many things happened in this last 2 years, maybe some would say, I wasted my time. But I do realized, without that “time” I won’t be here in this position now. Astaghfirullah for all my mistakes back then, and Alhamdulillah for Allah made me through it and made me see the reason why it’s happened. InsyaAllah^_^ Things that I also remember during these times were, ‘I forgot to take Islam as my life goal’. I’m thinking about being an ARTist one day, but yet I forgot there’s no goal for Islam..T_T ararara… I remember the surah which saying that we live here, because of Allah want us to be leader (khalifah) here in earth. Be a khalifah in specific things that we could do. For example, teach, write, or make art that could make people remember Allah. I realized that the time I’ll birth my babies also means birth a khalifah in this earth. And I then realized I’m soooooo live in a box. All I could think before just, “keep doing art-things”, “married”, “have a lot of kids”,”happily ever after”. Full stop. “The best years in my life, is the time when I did something that I could do and I really like to do (like drawing, writing, and making things, etc) for Allah only…” Then I found my answer again^^… “I want to do something for Islam, with my two small hands” Of course, I will still earn rizki, and do the “not related to Islam” kind of job… ^^ but I also promise myself to do something for Islam, as our main purpose living. As there will be a day, when we’ll be asked, “What have you done during your time in earth?” I want to answer it well that time T_T insyaAllah… insyaAllah… ^^ These are things that I found these couple days. I hope everyone that read it could be inspired of these things that inspired me… I also want to thank for all the tausiyah that Papa always sent me. And Mba Rita, Mba Linda, Piah… recently I realized that a true friends, is the one who could make us remember Allah. And it’s also our duty to remind other friend who forget. ^^ Please don’t be tired to remind me always when I’m weak… And I hope I will always have the strength and the smile to remind you, to be strong… always^^ Aamiin^^ Uhibbuka fii Illah…

Love you so much Pa^_^ 

Meilina Utomo (Beppu, Japan, 14th September 2008)